Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This is my gift to your gina
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
