i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My feet surprised me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
