so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is the high leading the old right now
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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