I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
