Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
