Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
