You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
