I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
