i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
