If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
