you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
