remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
