Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
