420 ftw
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
