For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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