I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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