I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
