you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
