I need to stop coming to work sober
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
