Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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