i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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