I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
