I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
