My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
