So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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