Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
