I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
