my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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