I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
