a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
