I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
