It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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