fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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