every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
