I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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