i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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