When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
