you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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