haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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