You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
