Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Pants are for mortals
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
