Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
