they need to just BURY HIM!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
