forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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