The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
