I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
