I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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