Pants 0. Shit 1.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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