just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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