God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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