you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
